The Space Between My Peers: Why I Won't Stop Talking

The Space Between My Peers

From the bottom of the fashion food chain ...

Location: The Great Northwest

I'm a home-schooling, bible-believing SAHM with an annual clothing budget of about $500 American. The Space Between My Peers reveals my secret passion: analysis of the art and science of what to wear.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Why I Won't Stop Talking

If you didn't like the Which Classic Female Literary Character Are you? quiz, perhaps you will like Which Jane Austen Character Are You? found at Young Ladies Christian Fellowship.

Am I the only one who is fascinated with cataloguing the differences in personalities? I think not. Check out this table of equivalents for the 4 personality types, found at the above-mentioned blog. To help you find your personality type, they offer a link to Gary Smalley's on-line test.

(I think I'll stick with the first literary quiz. I'd rather be Jane Eyre than Lydia Bennett. Ouch!)

"Expressives think that life is not worth living unless they are talking." -William A. Glaser

At first glance, that quote may seem funny. I assure you, it is not. The question that SAHMs don't want to talk about: "How do you get your social needs met?" We don't even want to acknowledge that we have social needs. Who wants to be needy?

In my life there have been periods where I didn't feel life was worth living. Never did I think it had to do with not talking. But conversation brought relief. Conversation's hard to come by. And here we are.

It's still a fairly raw subject. I'll come back to it, I'm sure. In the meantime, please share your thoughts:

  • How much conversation do you need on a daily basis?
  • Where do you find it?


Anonymous cathysclan said...

It does seem that daily conversation is a necessary part of life. I find that talking to another intelligent adult lifts my spirits and helps me move past the issues at hand. Unfortunately, I seem to find that adult conversation not with my spouse or closest friends due to the pace and needs of my children. They keep me at the doctors and counselors office all too often,and then I am just exhausted, but just the same the conversation is needed.

I have visited your blog before, a suggestion from one of our mutual "real-life" friends. This fits you perfectly. We should meet for coffee one day.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous HolyMama! said...

hmmm. i don't know how much i NEED. i get lots of conversation with kids. LOTS. most of the rest comes from quick calls from my husband throughout the day. I call my mom 3-4 night a week, and we usually talk about an hour each time. but most of my social talk stuff is right here - online. does that count?

1:21 PM  
Anonymous gregarious said...

Hi Rebecca! You must now have a computer. I'm not at all familiar with blogs----please don't feel like you need to post my comment, or certainly not all of it.
So, how much conversation do I need each day? And where do I get it?
I'm not sure I "need" any conversation; then again, I haven't truly thought about it, AND I get LOTS of conversation with my husband and mother-in-law by virtue of living in the same household. Also, do you classify all converstation in the same category, or is there a category "significant" and "other"? Some days there is no truly significant conversation (really, the weather can't be considered significant, can it?). Does that count? Are you actually referring to "connecting" in whatever fashion that takes (talking, e-mail, reading, hugs,)?
So now I've written a book---sorry!

1:52 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Cathy ~ I am so happy that you are here! Thank you for leaving a comment. (I'd love to have coffee, I miss you being on this end of town.)

HM ~ I think the conversation thing is why I have become a blogaholic, so yes, it counts.

That's wonderful that you talk to your mom so much. "Mom conversation", in my opinion, is super-concentrated satisfying.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I am very social and need quite a bit of interaction most days. That is one of the reasons I don't want to be a FT SAHM. I need meaningful adult conversation to really feel like "me."

I have several friends I chat with online several times a week. I talk to my spouse daily, at various times, including a "how are we really?" conversation after the kids go to bed. I have a couple of friends I feel comfortable talking to on the phone, although phone calls now feel almost like an intrusion in the age of email.

I talk to people online and IRL at work every weekday. Saturdays we go to the Farmers Market where we always see lots of people we know and can chat with. Sunday we go to church and chat some more. I live in a small town, so every trip to the grocery store, bank, coffee shop, etc is an opportunity to chat with someone I know.

I also moderate an online community for parents of young children. I attend a couple of activities for young children that other parents attend and we chat while the kids play.

I am active in my church, serving as chair of a committee that keeps me talking. I belong to other volunteer groups (Friends of Family Planning, AAUW, Co-operative Playschool) that bring me into contact with other adults.

A large part of my job is going to meetings and running meetings. I talk a lot, both in person and online.

(My husband just asked if I was writing a novel... he laughed when I told him I was talking about how much I talk!)

My favorite person to talk to is my sister, our dear Rebecca.


5:40 PM  
Anonymous Lisa R. said...

Hi Rebecca,
Thanks for asking... When I was single and lived in a one bedroom apt. in Seattle I was miserable and looked forward to my work day to talk to people and of course dreaded the weekends where I didn't have that. Now with my husband and 2 very talkative kids (age 3 and 5) I get my fill of conversation throughout the day. There are other SAHM's that I talk to in abbreviated conversations just to touch base and know that we are thinking of one another. This will all change at some point in my life, and I will want more interactions. But for now I like having fewer, valuable interactions than too many interactions that lose meaning. I want my kids to learn that also...

11:23 PM  
Blogger Nadia Marie said...

Conversation is definitely something that I canĀ“t live without! I am always talking, as you and your girls very well know, I think that it is quite difficult for me not to talk sometimes; although I do manage to have some time when I am quite and still and not talking to anyone (though it is mostly when I am sleeping). So, I would say that I need tons of conversation to keep me motivated and stimulated. And I find it anywhere and everywhere that I am. Even with perfect strangers on the subway I might strike up a conversation! Go figure!!!

2:59 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Hey, you might want to read the interviews @ Crazy Hip Blog Mamas.

8:26 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Adult conversation is something I crave everyday. That's one of the reasons I have fallen in love with blogging so much. I also have a local FLYlady ( message board that I am active on and can "chat" with other ladies several times a day. I am a member of a MOMS Club (Moms offering moms support - for SAHMs) and Mothers and More (for all kinds of moms) and can attend playdates a few times a week (or more) and engage in adult conversation then.

And that's how I attempt to keep my sanity!

9:50 AM  

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